Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
