The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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