how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
