Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
