Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
