Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
