I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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