I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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