We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You took a bar mat shot.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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