Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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