no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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