Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
