Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
