do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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