I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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