Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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