tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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