Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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