He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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