dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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