if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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