do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
