You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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