i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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