Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
