More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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