hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
