this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
