i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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