Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
