Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
