Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
