Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
