why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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