did you get engaged???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
