i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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