I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
