So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
