is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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