She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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