Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize