dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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