There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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