oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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