She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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