He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
