Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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