If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
