I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
