so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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