i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize