even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize