cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well most of my day revolves around power hour
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
