first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
