spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize