Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
