who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
