Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
