the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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