im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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