If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
