tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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