I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
