oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he fucked my hip out of place.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
