check it out our google latitudes are spooning
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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