ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize