you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
