Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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