I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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